Thursday, December 13, 2007

When 'I do' becomes 'I don't'

Amazing. Simply Amazing. The rate of divorce is so high, now we have blogs on how to make it cheaper and easier. What next? Drive thru divorce? Divorce in an hour?

I got a myspace post from a friend of mine back home and sadly it had an obituary on it. I didn't know the person, God rest his soul, but I did notice something that was just as disturbing as his death. The people who he was survived by. Just an example; his father and his wife, his mother and her husband, half siblings, his paternal grandfather and his wife, paternal grandmother, his maternal grandfather and his wife, etc... Notice a pattern here? Does anyone in this poor guys family stay together? It's another prime example of the direction marriage has gone in the States. Divorce was just made legal less than 20 years ago here in Ireland, but the divorce rate still isn't near as high as it is anywhere else. Luckily I'm in a country that "til death do us part" still means something. Not "til you get the wrong type of bread because you never listen to me so you're outta here". What has this sanctity really come to? Call me old fashioned but I'm 31 and just got engaged in March and I made damn sure I didn't rush to the alter with just anyone.

This all ties into the children. I have no children and always knew from a very young age that having them out of wedlock was something I would never do. I know everyone has their reasons for doing it. "We thought we'd be together forever and marriage was just something that would happen eventually, so we had a kid first." Where does this rationale come from? Who tought these people that thinking and acting this way was ok? Was it their parents? Society? Friends? WHO?

Now we have obits that have a laundry list of so called "family" that has step this and step that all over the place. And who suffers the most? These precious children you just couldn't wait to have and the new spouses that have to figure out how to coparent a child that isn't even theirs. Then comes the "you're not my mother/father so I don't have to listen to you." Or the new spouses view of "I wanted to be the only family you have, not share you with anyone else." But that doesn't mean that the single parent shouldn't find love again right? Of course they should but think of how hard it is on a fresh relationship. 'Will my son/daughter accept my new gf/bf? Then what happens if we want to get married?' Most people just flat out don't want the "baggage" and avoid people with kids at all costs. I know a few people that have children and are divorced or never married and have been single for years because no one wanted to take on a ready made family.

Some kids are great and roll with the flow of things, while others go off the deep end and need 15 years of therapy. I guess the bottom line is, if you decide to go down this path or you already have, talk to your kids about everything they can comprehend. Their little minds absorb more than you think.

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